Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize