Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
