You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
