Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
