I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I cut my penus on the lid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
