508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
