Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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