All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
