got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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