I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
