ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
