I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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