Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize