I will die if light touches me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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