i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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