i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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