I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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