just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
