I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
