We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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