Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
