O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
