She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
