I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
