Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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