When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
