this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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