4 words: hood of his car
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
