Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
