oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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