so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
