I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
