I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
