Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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