broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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