Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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