I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
