Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
