so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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