Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
