God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
