I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
