She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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