And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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