During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
