and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
