I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
