i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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