i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
