Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
