WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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