I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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