why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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