Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dick very happy bro
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
