it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
