i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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