I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
