you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
