I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
