just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
