i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
