I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
