I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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