only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize