You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
