like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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