I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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