drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just pee around me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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