return my video game
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
