Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
