Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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