I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
