I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
