Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
