you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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