you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
