just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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