ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
